I have nothing against chickpeas, but a hummus-loving friend recently mentioned that chickpeas are off-limits to her for the time being. The reasons are far too scientific for me to get into here, but I thought if this works I can start a cauliflower hummus delivery service so she doesn't need to go without.

Also it is low carb and low calorie and thus supporting my beach body diet which is going really well (insert sarcastic emoji / middle finger). The biggest impact so far has been made by the spray-on self-tan. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that brown fat is more attractive than white. I need to run more but I really don't want to. It's so painful.

I had planned to go running today, but hangover prevented it completely. I can barely stand, so running is really not an option. I actually bumped into a wall just going to the kitchen for a glass of water and bruised my arm. It is a long narrow corridor, so not that easy to navigate. We went out for dinner at a friend's house last night and then for drinks in our favourite bar in Soho. Husband is fetal napping on the sofa and bitterly regretting the tequila shots that less than 24 hours ago seemed like such a great idea. Retrospectively a clear mistake.

As I'm sure it often is, such is the role of tequila in life. Can't imagine  a lot of people saying: "Oh I'm so glad I had that tequila last night. Best decision ever!"

It's like the "I really regret that run, said no one ever" - thing apart from the fact that this one is not true. I for one really regret the run when I fell and fractured a rib. Really wish I'd skipped that one.

Regarding the cauliflower hummus, I am not going to do the same thing as many recipe substitution bloggers do and claim you can't tell the substitution from the original. You almost always can. See vegan parmesan. In the case of cauliflower hummus, if you have a nose, you definitely can. The taste is good, hummus-like (or like cauliflower with tahini), and texture is just a little bit grainier and lighter than the original, but perfectly acceptable. The one thing that makes hiding the oh so healthy cruciferous vegetables in anything impossible gives this one away too: the tell tale poo-smell that no amount of smoked paprika or tahini can hide. But if you don't mind a bit of poo-smell at the dining table, and a lot of people don't, farmers and other country folk for instance are often quite relaxed about the odd whiff, go for it. It really is quite nice and very healthy.

Cauliflower hummus

1/2 large cauliflower head
olive or vegetable oil
pinch of smoked paprika
2 cloves garlic
salt
1 tsp cumin
pinch of red pepper flakes
juice of a lemon
3 tbsp tahini
1/3 - 1/2 cup water

Preheat oven to 220 C°. Remove the stalk and outer leaves and cut the cauliflower into about 1 inch florets. Put the florets in a large bowl. Peel and crush the garlic cloves and add to the bowl together with a good splash of oil, smoked  paprika,  cumin, red pepper flakes and a pinch of salt. Mix well.

Spread florets on a baking sheet. Place in the oven for about 20 minutes stirring the veg a couple of times during cooking. Leave to cool.

Place the cauliflower and garlic in a blender. Add tahini, lemon juice and half of the water. Blend and add more water until it is the thickness you want. Check the taste and add salt and lemon juice if necessary. Keep blending until smooth.  spoon onto a plate. Decorate with cauliflower florets, herbs and a pinch of smoked paprika and, if you're not worried about the calories, a little olive oil.