You know the days when your husband wakes up grumpy and stays grumpy. (Scientific term for prolonged assholiness after waking up is Sleep Inertia and it's linked to being woken up at the wrong time, from deep sleep. Probably by your wife). So grumpiness continues until eventually husband's grumpiness makes you grumpy and then he asks you all innocent "why are you so grumpy?"

But you made all sorts of vows in the presence of God and before his congregation not to forget the registrar and picture of Her Majesty the Queen in Ealing town hall. As a smart girl you also know the general household grumpiness is not going to diminish if you tell husband to go stick his fingers in the toaster.  And then he says that he loves you a lot, grumpy or not, so you end up having a nice day and making him an awesome seafood marinara for dinner.

Because often occasionally it is the other way round. Not that he ever makes me seafood marinara.

So that was our Sunday, we ended up having a nice afternoon in the summery Regent's Park with husband's kids, just walking around admiring the black swans and the flowers, buying hot dogs for kids and Pimms for ourselves.

I read this article today and it kind of confirms our experience yesterday, that in marriage it's not about you, it's about the other person, you should always put your partner's happiness first. That's what true love is and that's the route to a happy marriage. Along with lots of biting your tongue and locking yourself into the bathroom to scream silently into a bath towel when your partner is being an annoying selfish butthole. Just theoretically.

But yes, this whole "because you're worth" it culture has gone a bit too far. It should be "because he's worth it". (Or if you're a man reading this it's "because she's worth it", or "he" if you're gay. But you know, not you, them!)

Divorce rate amongst Black swans is just 6%, because they put their partner's happiness before their own.

Fittingly to the relationship theme husband was dishing out life advice to the older of his sons. The kid's not a very adventurous dresser and seems to often wear his favourite pair of jeans. Husband was telling him that that way he will never be able to find a wife, which I'm sure is one of the kid's top priorities having just turned 18.

So according to husband these jeans will be ok for the first date, although they could be a bit looser and the waist could be higher in husband's ideal world of appropriate trouser wear. But for first date, fine. On the second date the girl is likely to notice if he is again wearing the same pair and think that that's a bit weird. But the boy is nice so she'll give him a third chance. But again the same trousers. The girl will not be impressed and may very well have serious concerns about the boy's personal hygiene. She'll say she'll just pop quickly to the toilet and disappear never to be seen again.

So there, if someone's ever disappeared on you you might want to think about your sartorial choices. I once was supposed to be taken out for a date. The guy said he'd just go to gym for a quick workout and I never heard of him again. But I'd only met him once, so it couldn't be the jeans situation. I think he probably had a dumbbell related accident and died. RIP gym boy.

So that's my relationship corner this time, more wisdon to come in future posts. But to finish, here's a recipe that can add happiness to any relationship. But only if you use fresh seafood, otherwise maybe less happiness.

Some early bloomers in Regent's Park

Spaghetti with scallop, prawn and mussel marinara (serves 4)

Oil
3 shallots
Red pepper flakes or chopped fresh chilli (to taste)
2-3 garlic cloves
1 cup of fish stock
2 x 400g cans of tomatoes (ideally San Marzano)
Salt
Pepper
A couple of sprigs of fresh basil
A couple of sprigs of fresh oregano (optional, sometimes hard to find)
300 - 500g mussels (in shells)
150-200g scallops
150-200g king prawns
2 tbsp grated parmesan (optional)Chopped fresh herbs to garnish

500g fresh pasta (spaghetti or linguine)

Chop the shallots and mince the garlic. Heat a splash of oil in a deep sauce pan. Add the onions and saute on medium heat until they start to soften, down let them brown. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes (or chopped fresh chilli if using). Continue to saute for another minute. Add the tomatoes, fish stock, salt, pepper and sprigs of fresh herb. Bring to boil breaking the tomatoes with a wooden spoon.

Leave the marinara to bubble on low heat for 15 minutes.

In the meanwhile cook pasta according to pack instructions leaving it al dente. Keep some of the cooking water for the sauce.

Once your marinara has been cooking for 15 minutes, remove the sprigs of basil and oregano, add in the seafood and cook for 5 minutes until seafood is done. I used small scallops, king prawns and ready cooked mussels, so they all cooked in the same time, but adjust the time according to what you are using. Add some pasta cooking water if the sauce is too thick.
Drain the pasta and add to the marinara sauce.  Add parmesan and chopped fresh herbs and mix well. Some say you shouldn't add parmesan to seafood pasta, but I say sue me.

Serve immediately.

We had a fantastic week in Istanbul with husband. If you haven't been there, go immediately! The city is struggling, because the tourists have been scared off by the recent terrorist attacks. But I felt completely safe throughout our visit. And I'm a wimp. The absence of tourists was plain to see and quite sad. All the charming restaurants almost empty every night and businesses clearly suffering with the lack of customers.

View to the glorious Bosphorus and Golden Horn from the Süleymaniye Mosque

The upside for us was that we got our flights and hotel very cheaply and there were no queues to museums and sights and crowds on shopping streets and bazaars were manageable. So now really is the time to go and experience this unique, mesmerising and infuriating, historic city. GO!

There is so much to see and do and we got through a lot in the seven days. My general results orientation does not abate during holidays, so we ticked off a lot of sights, walked more than 10k every day and learned and saw so much. Here are some notes of what we saw and did and can recommend.

Mosques

Istanbul is a city of wonderful, breath-taking mosques and you have to visit at least some. The most famous is the Sultan Ahmed Mosque known as the Blue Mosque. It is big and beautiful. Ladies must of course cover their hair and also wear respectful clothing, no gold satin micro shorts unfortunately. Also if your jeans are too tight which they are likely to be after a few days of kebabs and baklava, the mosque officials will give you a fetching skirt to wear over your jeans. But it's not a catwalk it's a mosque so pull on the skirt and go admire the glass windows and be all serene and philosophical when husband broadcasts pictures of you looking like Auntie Mildred on Facebook.

Aunt Mildred in  the Süleymaniye Mosque

Another impressive mosque is the Süleymaniye Mosque, the largest mosque in the city commissioned by Suleiman the Magnificent. The grandiose building set on top of a hill was designed by the illustrious architect Mimar Sinan. The mosque's interior itself is not that special and the skirts they offer to people who are too sexy for their jeans are the same as everywhere, but the views from the terrace down towards the Golden Horn are breathtaking. The call to prayer started just as we were admiring the views from the terrace.

Ortaköy mosque is a very ornate and pretty little baroque mosque right by the waters of Bosphorus and often included as part of the Bosphorus day cruises which is how we stumbled upon it.

The glittering Ortaköy mosque

Little Hagia Sophia is a former Greek Eastern Orthodox church.It looks like its big sister on the outside and possibly was a model for it, but it has a very different feel on the inside. Where the big one is dark, impressive and mysterious, this friendly little mosque is light and airy and very, very pretty.

Little Hagia Sophia

Museums

I would recommend anyone to get a museum card - a lot of the museums are covered by this card which you can use for up to 5 days, the cost is 85 TL. You can only visit each place once. We missed the Harem in the Topkapi palace on our first visit and tried to return another day, but they wouldn't let us. We tried to argue our case, but as with so many of their kind the power had gone to the ticket people's heads and they would not budge. I'm not much of a budger myself, but after a bit of a stand off husband dragged me away without seeing the stupid Harem. It was under renovations as pretty much everything else in the city, so we probably didn't miss out on much.

The imperial Topkapi palace is a vast complex of buildings around 4 courtyards sitting on top of a hill looking over the Golden Horn and Marmara Sea. You can see the massive palace kitchens and there is also a weird exhibition of sacred relics including Moses's staff, Abraham's sauce pan (!?!) and Joseph's turban. I am not a great historian but I had some serious doubts about the authenticity of some of the "relics". Abraham's sauce pan, really? Still it's interesting to see. The palace area and the little pavillions are fun to explore and once you've had enough there is an excellent cafe to have lunch in or just take a break with coffee and cakes and admire the views of the Marmara estuary. Husband had a bit of a culture shock moment and opted for spaghetti which was really nice apparently, I had a tomato and cheese pide and a tomato soup.
Goes without saying that if you don't visit the Hagia Sophia you are crazy. This massive building was originally a Christian Greek Orthodox church, then a mosque and is now a museum. There are lots of beautiful wall mosaics and things to see inside. Climb onto the first floor balcony for more wall art and views of the entire space.

Hagia Sophia night time

Hagia Irene, Holy Peace, is probably only worth a visit if you have a museum card and are visiting other sights in the area like Hagia Sophia or Topkapi palace. Hagia Irene is the oldest church in Istanbul, first built in the 4th century, but renovated later after a fire and an earthquake. It was never converted into a mosque, but was used as a warehouse throughout the Ottoman rule. It's very basic and bare inside, the wall paintings are barely visible today. but there is a sense of peace there which husband completely didn't get, but was fidgeting to get out. The bare, austere beauty which my deprived Lutheran soul was very much at home with didn't quite do it for husband. The guy's all about the bling.

Hagia Irene

Mosaic Museum is all that remains of the old Roman period imperial palace. It is a small museum and included in the museum card, so worth a visit to the geeky among us to admire the intricate ancient floor mosaics.

Husband was so excited about the Mosaic museum he could barely sleep the night before

Basilica Cistern is a beautiful underground water reservoir from the Roman times and worth a visit. It is not covered by the museum card, the entry costs 20 TL. Wander around the beautifully lit cave of hundreds of columns and find Medusa's head at the bottom of one of them. Don't let your husband talk you into being photographed in silly period costume.

Basilica Cistern

I am a bit of an overly diligent tourist. I'd hate to visit somewhere and afterwards find out that I missed something. I remember once completely exhausting even myself in Berlin visiting every bloody museum until I decided I never want to see another German painting and sat the rest of the holiday in an Irish pub drinking beer chatting to a gay French bartender called Dominique.

I also felt responsible for husband and his nephew who joined us for part of the week and who both admitted that if it wasn't for me they would just sit in a pavement cafe drinking beer all week. BUT with me in charge they were learning so much interesting stuff! (Said without sarcarsm, I'm sure.)

This time the exhaustion moment came on day 6 in the Archaeology Museum. Having zigzagged through 300 rooms of clay pots we came to a dead end because of some renovation works (which seem to be eternally going on everywhere in Istanbul and which made this museum into a maze of turpentine smelling endless small rooms and long corridors) we had to then walk through the same endless rooms of clay pots and headless limbless marble statues of slightly overweight but underdressed ancient people to get out of the bloody place. If they ever finish the renovations, it might be worth a visit. A section of the museum houses some bits of the magnificent Ishtar gate but I saw a lot of that in the Pergamon museum, one of the highlights of my thorough Berlin visit.

Bazaars and shopping

The huge Grand Bazaar must be seen. It really is grand and they sell everything. It is so large it is very easy to get lost. The shopkeepers do hassle you, so it's not a particularly relaxing experience unless you are immune to hassling. We managed to buy a couple of T-shirts for the kids and some cushion covers and table cloths for us.

Near the Galata bridge is the Egyptian or Spice Bazaar. It sells all kinds of typical bazaar goods but specializes in spices. I visited one spice shop and bought a salad spice mix and a kind of herb and veg spice mix which apparently is great for soups. The guy first tried to force sell me two huge bags, which I made him undo and halve the amounts. But you have to be quite assertive not to be completely taken the piss of. He tried to sell me a tiny pot of saffron for 300 lira (about 70 GBP). I love saffron, but can get very good quality saffron in my local Iranian corner shop for a fraction of the price. Mersi.

Between the Spice bazaar and Grand Bazaar there are endless market street selling everything and the locals seem to shop on these streets.

A little bazaar that seemed to be a bit less hassly is called Arasta bazaar and sits near the Blue Mosque selling all the normal stuff like pashminas, teas and spices, lamps and carpets. At the Blue Mosque end of the bazaar there is a tea room where we had some Turkish and apple teas and saw a whirling dervish dancing to live Turkish music. We only found out the story about whirling dervishes afterwards, so we just thought the whole thing a bit weird. Like why would you not learn any other moves, if you're doing a live dance show. But read about this cult and then go see the guy whirl his ass off while you are sipping on your tea and smoking a sheesha if that's your thing. Our smoking days are done, so no sheesha for us.

The dervish is whirling

We stumbled on a farmers market one morning near our hotel. Find out when and where there are food markets in your area and find an abundance of gorgeous fresh herbs, vegetables and fruits, fresh cheese, nuts and dried fruit.


The more modern shopping can be done on the Istaklal street, which is worth a walk through even if you are not after anything in particular. Or take the cute red tram. There are loads of great restaurants in the area too and it seems a bit more lively nightlife-wise that the old city side.




Bosphorus strait and Black Sea

A day cruise up and down the Bosphorus is a must do. There are lots of companies organising these tours, we just booked one at our hotel. The bus picked us up in the morning and took us to the Kabatas harbour where our boat was waiting. Our first stop was the pretty Ortaköy mosque, which I mentioned earlier and we had some free time to walk around the area and have a cup of tea while waiting for the mosque to open.

We then crossed over to the Asian side of the strait and stopped at the small baroque summer palace called Küçüksu Palace, good luck pronouncing that, where the Ottoman Sultans would go for hunting or their woman folk would go for a day trip. I particularly loved the yellow palace dog called Yellow.

Küçüksu Palace

We also stopped at the Rumeli Hisari Fortress and climbed up for amazing views of the Bosphorus bridge and turquoise waters. We heard of the story Mehmet the Conqueror and the role the fortress played in the fall of Constantinoble. We also heard of the Chinese tourist who fell down from the battlements taking a selfie. She survived but with broken bones and now we were not allowed entry to the highest parts. It's always the story, one ruining it for all.

View to the Bosphorus bridge fro Rumeli Hisari Fortress

Rumeli Hisari Fortress

After the fortress we were served a pretty gruesome lunch onboard the ship. We then visited a little fishing village (=tourist trap) called Anadolu Kavağı where the hassling was so intense that we literally ran for the hills and spent our 45 minutes of free time hiding in the back streets playing with stray dogs.

During warmer weather the boat stops at the Black Sea end for swimming off the boat, but the day was a bit windy and cool and water probably still very cold, so no volunteer swimmers emerged. I would normally be very much up for that kind of thing being used to the cold lakes of Finland, but decided to give it a miss. But we saw the Black Sea and even some dolphins following our boat.

Bosphorus Bridge

Other landmarks, places to see and things to do
Next to the Topkapi palace is a lovely green space called Gülhane Park, a perfect place to escape the heat and bustle of the streets for a little stroll in the shadow of the sky high trees.

The Galata tower on top of a hill on the north bank of Golden Horn is a landmark that is almost as famous a part of the Istanbul skyline as the big mosques. It's worth getting up to the tower for the views and there is a restautant and cafe up there as well. The tower is beautifully lit in the evening, so worth a couple of pictures in it's blue night lighting.

Other than that we didn't particularly fall in love with the northern bank of the Golden Horn. Taksim square was ugly, dirty and busy - possibly the shittiest square ever. The selfie-stick and bird seed sellers were numerous and aggressive, so we escaped the square to the equally dire Taksim Park. Afterwards we found a nice roof terrace bar at the nearby Intercontinental Hotel with awesome views.

View to the Marmara Sea and the Princes Islands

The Galata bridge connects the two banks of the city across the Golden Horn. On the lower level of the bridge there are lots of bars and restaurants. We visited one with football on the screen and horrible tone-death Turkish live music in the nightclub side next door.
Hassling

I don't want to buy a carpet and therefore I don't need to see your carpet shop. I also am not interested in black market perfumes. I definitely don't want a selfie stick (because we already have one it's embarrassing). If I want to buy spices or a pashmina I will go into a shop that sells them and make a purchase. It is very clear to see from the outside what products all the shops are selling. You also don't need to ask me where I am from. And no, I am not from Germany, vielen Dank.

If I am thirsty or hungry I will go into a restaurant. But I would like to choose for myself. And if you manage to manhandle me into your restaurant against my will, leave me alone with the menu to read through it without trying to sell me the most expensive thing on the menu. I will ask questions if I have any. Don't rush me and don't roll your eyes at me if I take my time or ask for extra salad instead of the rice.

Incidentally your rice is a bit crap. I wish I had told you that, that probably would have shut you up and at least then you would have had something to roll your eyes over about.

The sometimes even aggressive hassling resulted in me leaving the country without buying a pashmina or a scarf, which is pretty unheard of. Luckily I have probably more than a 100 scarfs and pashminas, so I will live, but still I am annoyed.

Husband was even more freaked out telling me not to answer them or make eye contact. Even when we were passing a football T-shirt shop and I knew that he was after some for his kids. "Don't make eye contact, don"t talk to them." But I just feel so rude not answering someone. Suprisingly it was my gentle and kindly husband who was able to be a lot more ruthless in this respect.

Well, it's their country and their way, so we must accept and adapt. They are very warm, welcoming and hospitable people, so maybe this is a part of it.

Now there's an idea,

Food

We didn't plan any of our lunches or evening meals and did no research into the restaurants. We just walked around and went in somewhere nice looking when we got hungry. Most nights we just went somewhere near our hotel and there were lots of great restaurants in the Sultanahmet area where we stayed. Most of the food was really good, but there were a couple of disappointments too. Overall it's not amazing value for money. Istanbul is not cheap and wine in Istanbul is definitely not cheap. It's usually served in massive glasses but in such tiny amounts that you think what is the point. So if you want to avoid disappointment, do more research, don't let the waiters pester you into the restaurant, if you don't like the look of it and order wine by the bottle or carafe, not by glass if you want more than a thimble.

The mezze which usually are my favourites were actually not that great. I found it all a bit too lemony and tangy. Even the hummus was disappointing and lacking tahini.

Mezze - looked better than it tasted

I love Turkish Coffee, husband hates it. It reminds me of the pot coffee that we make at the summer house on my parent's island. We had lots of Turkish red tea and I really liked the Apple Tea and even bought some to bring home, although I'm sure it's easy to get in the ethnic shops in London. And we fell in love with the refreshing yoghurt drink Ayran. If it gets hot in this country this summer I will definately make it for us as a cooling summer drink.

Ayran - a perfect refreshing summer drink

Our best meals were probably the two clay pot testi kebaps we had. It's food cooked in a clay pot. Although husband suspected they cook the food in a pan and then just put it in the pot for show purposes. Entirely possible. We had a swordfish and vegetable pot one evening which was lovely and lamb and veggies on another evening which was very tasty and soft.

Show time

Testi kebab with swordfish and mushrooms

We are not fans of the Doner kebabs, we find them a bit fatty, although I am sure they are at their most fantastic in Istanbul. But we didn't try those. We had a few mixed grill platters with chicken and lamb, which were all very nice. And husband had grilled fish a few times. I also couldn't cope with all the big food all the time, so had a halloumi, chicken or a greek salad, which were always fresh, light and tasty and simply dressed.

Mixed grill platter with an unexplained pyro show of burning salt in the middle

One of my fondest food memories of the week is from a cozy and colourful restaurant called Mom's Corner Restaurant that husband took us for lunch after the Archaeology museum disaster. There was a lady (Mom perhaps?) frying pancakes and they sat us on cushions on the floor around a low table. Husband promptly placed an order for white wine, Turkish savoury pancakes which are actually more like quesadllas, filled with feta, spinach, meat, mushrooms and whatever you like, and Ayran, the lovely yoghurt drink. Happiness was quickly restored. At the end of the meal we were presented with a massive tray of desserts. We chose the cute bird nest pastries.

Turkish filled savoury pancakes by Mom

Shrimp in garlicky butter sauce - very yum!

My worst food experience was in an Anatolian restaurant called Kiva (="nice" in Finnish) by the Galata tower. Not so kiva in my opinion. Husband was happy with his lamb and chickpeas with yoghurt dressing, but my vegetarian salad combo was oily and horrible and although the magnificently mustachioed waiter tried to tell me what it was - IZ LIKA MUSHROOM BUT IZ NOT MUSHROOM (my Turkish accent is rubbish, sounds more like Italian) I wasn't really sure what was in there, probably kale and other cabbage patch crap shit not intended for human consumption.

The mysterious tastes of Anatolia which I wish would have remained a mystery.

But to end on a positive note, I will never forget our week in Istanbul, the müezzins competing with each other with their calls to prayer, the seagulls screaming even louder than the müezzins outside our hotel window at four in the morning, the mosques and minarets, the colours, scents and tastes of this sparkling gem of a city overlooking the turquoise waters of Marmara and Bosphorus.

Tomorrow this time we will sit with husband (and his nephew) in a romantic little street cafe in ISTANBUL! (Probably will be asleep in our beds actually - it's quite late.)

But HOLIDAY!

We booked a week in Istanbul. We never do holidays just the two of us. We are always visiting his family or mine, usually with his kids, which I don't mind. But still. You know. Actually Istanbul will include a visit from husband's nephew, but hey ho. I've met him before, he's a nice young man and will just follow us happily like a puppy dog whatever we choose to do. The more the merrier, right?

At least I cleverly averted the family room idea by lying that there were no family rooms available in the entire country for the entire year. Although I was momentarily excited by the idea of getting an apartment and cooking for us, but when in Istanbul, we must eat all the lovely local lovelities. Fresh salads,seafood, mezze and dips and things. The boys will take care of the kebabs, I'm sure. Yum.

And so much history and so much to see. We will have a fantastic time and hopefully won't be blown up.

I told Dad (didn't have the nerve to tell mum, so Dad can either tell her or keep her in the little bag of cotton wool that she's lived in most of her life) and that was his first question, are you going to blow up. But we live in London and could be blown up anytime we go to Westfields. And where would be safe to travel these days anyway, Brussels? Paris? Palmyra? Actually Palmyra might be OK now after it was freed by Russia and Assad, the two great forces of good in the world. Oh, it hurts my head.

My parents' village though, which I will be visiting again end of the month, that one's not a good spot for a suicide bomber, you'd never find a bigger crowd than two people and a dog in your bomb's catchment area. UNLESS!! Unless your target the annual charity auction organized by the local sports club. Gets very busy. My Dad successfully got rid of some of my belongings there after he got sick of them gathering dust (and mice and moles) in his what was supposed to be woodshed, but became the adventurous daughter's crapshed. I cleared it all out a few years ago. He was happier than on his wedding day getting his shed back. I actually caught him coming back from the veggie patch and just opening the shed door a bit and looking in. Bless him and his simple pleasures.

So off to Istanbul we go. He who is afraid does not gain or whatever the saying says. Also I have heard that Turkish people are really lovely, friendly and hospitable, so we want to do something for them. Tourism is very important for the economy and they are struggling now with so many people staying away. So it's not about cheap flights and hotels, but philantropy, charity, can't help it, I just have to help others.

I am looking forward to the bazaar - I want to buy colourful tablecloths, bowls, spices and other local food things. I know we will end up being completely freaked out by the hassling and will do some quick desperate purchases and run away as always happens when we enter a bazaar or souk, I'm even freaked out by the ever so slightly too friendly lady at the John Lewis Foodhall cheese shop who explained to me all about the dresses she'd already bought for her son's wedding which is in May 2017 if anyone's interested. Lots of dresses, is what she's got. And she will get more. And I just wanted some taleggio.

So tonight's dinner was from the "empty the fridge" category. In the fridge I had a pack of filo pastry and a selection of herbs and vegetables, cheeses and stuff, in the freezer half used packs of smoked salmon. So a lovely salmon and veg tart and green salad was our leaving dinner tonight.

Left-over fish and veg tart

1 pack of filo pastry
Oil
Sesame seeds
whatever's in the fridge
some kind of cheese, or even better two kinds of cheese

A daydreaming friend bumped into an estate agent's website advertising the sale of a beautiful old mansion house near where she is from. She emailed me and a few other friends suggesting we buy the house and open a yoga retreat. Always comes up with the most practical plans, that one. I volunteered to run the group for extremely unbendy people with back problems. But yoga retreat plans aside, I immediately recognised the house.


Some time ago I got in touch with a second cousin who is researching our family history and this house came up in the story. With the papers he sent me, the family tree and trusted Google as my resources I decided to write the story of my great-great-grandparents Matias Filemon and Emma Wilhelmiina.

Matias Filemon

Matias Filemon descended from a long line of farmers from both his father's and mother's side. His mother had inherited the family farm as there was no male heir. The family had lived on the farm for 12 generations and over 300 years. Matias's father was from a larger farm - they called them cavalry farms, because they were contracted to equip a horse and a soldier at times of war for the King's army. He probably was a younger son because he left his home farm, married Matias's mother Maria and took her name.

They had many children. Those days people almost had to, because so many would die as infants. Lack of contraception may have played a part. Matias, born on 1851, was the seventh out of the total ten they had, so he left the farm to make his fortunes elsewhere. The farm eventually went to one of his younger brothers.

In his late twenties and early thirties Matias Filemon was working as the land agent in a large estate called Koiskala.  In the early 1880s Matias met young Emma Wilhelmiina, a local blacksmith's pretty daughter. I have no idea if she was pretty actually, might have been ugly as sin, I haven't got any pictures of her as a young woman, but just for the purposes of the story, humour me.

Koiskala mansion where Matias Filemon worked as the land agent

After their wedding they lived at the Koiskala estate and in 1882 their first child was born, a daughter, Laina, my grandmother's mother. Soon after Laina's birth they left the estate to build a life of their own. They rented a large state owned estate called Selkee, a beautiful house with a proud history as an official residence to high-powered military men. This would be the house they'd make their own, farm the lands and raise a big family to fill the many rooms.

Happily settled in the big white house Emma soon gave birth to a second child, a little boy who they named Toivo (=hope in English). And a year later she was pregnant again. But before the third child was due, little Toivo sadly as so often happened those days, died. The records don't say of what.

Selkee mansion

Two months later another boy was born. They called him Usko Toivo. Faith Hope. It didn't work, the boy died 6 days before his first birthday.

The big sister Laina (controversially her name means "Loan" but it looked like she was a keeper) was 4 years old. And again the only child after the brief appearances by the two little brothers.

Burying his second son Matias Filemon didn't know that he only had 5 months to live. He died as a young man at 35. The records are unyielding. Tuberculosis maybe. Emma was pregnant again and without a husband by her side she gave birth to a summer baby, a plump little girl with golden hair, Ellen Lempi, Ellen Love. A sweet girl to mend a mother's broken heart.

The pretty (yes, I'm sticking with it) and affluent young widow, just 25 years old with two beautiful girls, one as blond as the other was dark, in the big house was soon flooded with proposals. Laina, now 5 years old told her mother not to take the one with the hunched back. The merciful records don't reveal who the spinally challenged suitor was.

But Emma was no fool and knew she needed to marry. Luckily among the suitors there was an appropriate one with acceptably straight back. On the eve of Ellen's first birthday Emma married Oskari, 3 years her senior. "Strong and earnest, kind and well-meaning with a friendly spark in his eye and a gentleman's manners" - Oskari moved to Selkee to help Emma manage the estate and became a well-loved step-dad to the two fatherless girls.

Years later in 1995 a boy, Paavo, was born to Emma and Oskari. The older sisters adored him and he became a lifelong friend to Laina.

Emma Wilhelmina in her later years as the formidable mistress of the house.

Emma's second husband Oskari - Strong and earnest

Emma and Oskari were very involved in the life of the village in different societies and committees, particularly Oskari, it was after all a man's world. But Emma's name comes up here and there in official memos and records. Emma was also an energetic and possibly bossy mistress of the house. My great aunt remembered her sitting very fat in her rocking chair giving orders to the maids with a spot of knitting or mending in her hands.

The two sisters, Laina and Ellen grew into beautiful young ladies. For their generation they would have been relatively well educated having been sent to the girlschool in the nearby town. The 18 year old Laina caught the eye of an entrepreneurial and politically active local man, Juho, 12 years her senior, Despite the age difference he would not be refused. The families were neighbours and knew each other well. For all we know Laina might have been playing around naked in Juho's paddling pool.

Juho was a bit of a local celebrity. He'd been to St. Petersburgh as the local representative in a delegation to deliver a petition to the Russian Tzar Nikolai II. It's a long story, but in a nutshell, like so often throughout our history, Russia was being a gigantic pain in the ass and these brave men went to tell the Tzar to stop being such a shitty little bully. The Tzar, shitty little bully that he was, or maybe majestically misinformed, which came to cost him dearly, didn't receive them, but luckily he didn't send them to one of Siberia's famous labour camps either, maybe they were all already full, so the men returned home unharmed.

So you see, Juho must have had a certain je ne sais quoi about him and Laina of course fell head over heels for the whiskered, straight backed man of the world and they married in 1900. But that is another story with nine daughters, two sons, scarlet fever, revolution, bankruptcy, world war, tuberculosis, suicide, but also children, love, and a family that goes on.

Two sisters - the blond Ellen who would die at 20 and the dark Laina, mother of 11 to be - photographed in Vyborg when Ellen was visiting Laina in her new married home in Karelia.

Selkee only features in a few more records linked to my family. After Laina and Juho's adventures took them to the mythical and ancient Finnish Karelia, Ellen visited her sister and they went to the neighbouring great city of Vyborg (Viipuri) to have their picture taken.

Selkee - reception roon

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Selkee - study

Sadly sweet Ellen died on 1907 at the age of only 20. The cruelty of history is such that we know nothing more of how this happened. We assume the mother and sister were heartbroken, but there are no records other than the cold statement for place and time of death.

Emma and Oskari's son Paavo stayed at Selkee managing it for his aging parents.

Laina kept visiting Selkee with her family and there is a record from the summer after the Civil War in 1918. During the war Laina and Juho's home was burned down by the revolutionaries and afterwards the children were sent to Selkee for the summer to stay with the grandparents while Laina and Juho were trying to rebuild a life for their family.

In 1927  the family gave up Selkee. Emma and Oskari moved to the nearby village. Emma died 1929 at the age of 68. Oskari followed her wife less than two years later at the age of 73.

Did they all sit down for tea here?